For those of you who don’t know what
I do for a living, I dispatch ambulances. It is a thankless, pain in the ass, will-probably-kill-me-young
job that I love. It is not what I want to be doing for the rest of my life.
That is (obviously) writing.
You may ask me why I continue to
work a job I believe will give me a heart attack before I hit 40. Why put up
with the high blood pressure brought on by stress, coping with the lack of
resources, or not being compensated appropriately? Why keep beating yourself up
like this? Because I’m a writer. I’m used to being beat down just to rise from
the ashes. Remember I love my day -err night- job. I can’t see myself doing anything
else to pay the bills while still pursuing a career as a novelist.
I wrote BIRTH OF A VIXEN sitting in
the dispatch seat. My boss helped me compose query letters, that didn’t pan
out. Which was my fault, can’t blame him. I read partial requests and the
disheartening rejection letters in that anxiety ridden cubicle. For as much as
I wish that I could hate my job it toughened my elephant skin, giving me
strength not give up when I read, “It’s just not right for me” or “I already
represent something similar” (which was why I sent it to you, duh).
Now that I’m going to self-publish I
need all the confidence I can muster. I believe the universe knows this because
things are crazier than usual. Sure I want to rip my hair out, run out the door
screaming, and enjoy three days at the local psych ward letting my worries slip
from my soul while I float high as a kite on the special medications they give
out, I’m here…again. Whether its hospital staff, coworkers, agents, or critics
knocking me down, I keep getting back up. And I always will.
What keeps you going?
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